


Impulses

by katychan666



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Confessing Feelings, First Kiss, Fluff, Johnlock - Freeform, Kind of cheesy, M/M, Romance, happy end, heavily based on The Abominable Bride episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-28 11:29:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7638322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock and John having a conversation about Sherlock's need to keep his emotions and feelings for other people under control. After talking about it, John finds out that Sherlock is able to feel things after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Impulses

**Author's Note:**

> A part of the convesation is taken from the "The Abominable Bride" episode (no surprise there). I hope that it doesn't bother a lot of people. If it does, I'm so sorry.  
> I hope that you'll like it

**Impulses**

 

''I am currently attempting to have a perfectly normal conversation with you,” said John Watson to his best friend. John was trying to have a conversation with his best friend, because he was so interested to know why the other one was avoiding getting romantically involved with other people. John tried to understand it; he really did. Sherlock had told him many times that he was, as Sherlock would put it, ‘a man married to his work’ and he didn’t want any kind of unnecessary feelings or people get involved with his work.

Honestly, it did bother John and Sherlock knew it far to well, but tried to ignore his best friend’s sighs and rolls of his eyes when they would discuss this matter. Someone as John couldn’t just understand how someone couldn’t be attracted to anyone; it was just out of options. All people had urges and needs, including Sherlock. It was true that the other one got his kicks in a different way, but still…

“Please don’t,” said Sherlock, interrupting John’s train of thoughts and the army doctor frowned, leaning back into his arm chair, observing Sherlock’s every move; as if he was trying to deduce what was bothering him. Sherlock almost laughed at his friend’s poor attempt to copy what he had been doing on daily basis.

“Why do you need to be alone?” suddenly asked John, the frown between his eyebrows deepening. There had to be a reason that Sherlock was so cold when it came to relationships, or any kind of human contact really; there always was a reason when it came to Sherlock. Something in his past must’ve made him like that; but what? John knew that Sherlock was trying to make him believe that he was someone who didn’t need people, but John was living with Sherlock long enough, to know that wasn’t true.

“If you are referring to a romantic entanglement, John, which I rather fear you are, as often as I have explained before, all emotion is abhorrent to me. It is the grit in a sensitive instrument, the crack in the lens,” said Sherlock with a monotone voice, hoping that John could just move on with the subject. There were far more important things to discuss.

“The crack in the lens, yes,” repeated John and sighed.

“Well, there you are, you see, I’ve said it all before.”

“No I wrote all that. You’re quoting yourself from my blog posts.”

“Well, exactly,” said Sherlock, put his hands together in his lap.

“Those are my words, not yours! That is the version of you that I present to the public,” said John. “The brain without a heart. The calculating machine. I write all of that, Sherlock, and the readers lap it up. But I do not believe it.”

“Then what do you believe, John?” asked Sherlock, genuinely interested what John was going to think of this time. He knew that John was trying to make him into a hero, but he was far from one.

“You are a living, breathing man. You’ve lived a life, you have a past,” said John.

“A what?!” asked Sherlock with a much louder voice and he straightened himself up, not liking to where the conversation was going. John, on the other hand, smirked because it was interesting to see Sherlock out of his element. It was pretty obvious to him that Sherlock was uncomfortable with his questions and somehow that made things much more interesting to the doctor.

“Well, you must have had…” started John, suggestively.

“Had what?” asked Sherlock carefully.

“You know,” said John and leaned closer to his best friend.

“No.”

“Experiences,” finished John his sentence from before and almost smirked when he saw the annoyed look on Sherlock’s face.

“Pass me your gun, John. I have a sudden need to use it,” said Sherlock.

“Damn it, Sherlock. You are flesh and blood, you have feelings. You have,” snapped John and then made a short pause. Did he really think that he could have a normal conversation with Sherlock for once? “You must have… Impulses.”

“Impulses?” Sherlock repeated, suddenly feeling adrenaline rushing through his veins. The word stayed on Sherlock’s tongue, played with him. It burnt into his mind; it wasn’t the word itself. It was the way John said it. Older male’s voice suddenly lowered when he said that and the detective noticed a rush of excitement in John’s eyes. The other one’s breathing grew sharper and so did his heartbeat, that didn’t go unnoticed from Sherlock’s eyes. John was leaning closer to him, the excitement was rising. Sherlock swallowed hard, his throat unbelievably dry.

 Suddenly, the tension between them was so thick that one could cut it with a knife and John noticed that the other male’s pupils were dilated. Oh, Sherlock was enjoying himself. John let out a hitched breath at that and leaned even closer to Sherlock, whose breathing was rapid and uneven.

“Yes,” repeated John and licked his lower lip. “Impulses.”

There was that word again, making Sherlock’s mind completely clouded. He didn’t like it, he didn’t like it when he couldn’t think straight. It made him weak. That was why he didn’t need emotions; it just came between him and his work. He was about to tell that to John, but nothing came out. Sherlock had completely frozen and John quite liked it; he was able to make Sherlock shut up for once in his life.

“Never,” forced out Sherlock.

The corners of John’s lips curved up into a small smile; Sherlock was lying. The army doctor maybe wasn’t as smart as the detective, but was smart enough to tell when the other male was lying to him.  “Liar,” whispered John and noticed that Sherlock’s breath shuddered when he said that. John allowed himself to lean even closer, his face dangerously close to the other one.

The whole moment was exciting him as well; watching Sherlock look so lost and excited made John’s body heat up and he barely restrained himself from pinning Sherlock against the armchair and devour him at right that spot. That wasn’t the first moment that John felt such need to do something like that, but up until now he somehow managed to supress his desires. However, now that he saw that Sherlock wanted the same thing, there was no way that he could hold back.

“What?” asked Sherlock, looking deep into John’s eyes. His pupils were dilated as well, John’s heartbeat was speeding up. Suddenly, Sherlock got an impression as if he was a pray, John was literally devouring him with his eyes and when the younger one wanted to move, he suddenly found himself trapped between the armchair and John’s body. “John, move.”

“No,” muttered John. “You are trying to fight it, but,” he said and made a short pause. “This is exciting you, isn’t it?”

“Nonsense.”

“No, no, no,” said John, moving his face closer to Sherlock’s and the other one could feel John’s hot breath against his own lips. Without even thinking, Sherlock moved closer as well and parted his lips, making John’s smirk grow. “I was right, see?”

“I am afraid that your deduction wasn’t all that correct, my dear Watson,” stated Sherlock stubbornly.

“Damn it, Sherlock,” snapped John, annoyance kicking in again and he pulled back a little bit. “Why is it so important to you to have your emotions and feeling under control? For once can’t you just let go of that control and-” said John, but was interrupted by Sherlock, who suddenly grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulled him closer and connected their lips into a rough, but long kiss.

As John started yapping again, something inside of Sherlock snapped. The way that the other one was talking to him was enough to make all of that self-control that was left in Sherlock’s body, to crumble, to completely shatter and fall apart, but he didn’t care. That was what John wanted, so that was what Sherlock gave him.

John let out a muffled whimper when the detective suddenly pulled him in for a kiss and his eyes widened in shock, since that was the last thing that he was expecting Sherlock to do. He had thought of kissing the younger male, and doing much more to him, quite a few times, but it seemed like the wish was mutual. Before he could react to the kiss, Sherlock had already pushed him away, stood up and headed for his room in complete silence, his whole body shivering as he was walking. He couldn’t believe that John had made him lose his self control just like that.

Sherlock’s body was shaking, the rush of adrenaline overflowing through his body. He wasn’t thinking straight anymore, his senses were heightened, the detective was completely unable to keep a train of straight thoughts. The man knew that he let go of his control completely and he didn’t like it how it made him feel; Sherlock hated not being in control over his own body and emotions.  He was aware of his racing heart, which was telling him to go much further than just kissing. However, like many times before, he managed to put those desires under control, not wanting to ruin his and John’s friendship.

“Sherlock, don’t run away from me,” said John and hurried after his friend. Christ, it made him feel so bloody frustrated to see Sherlock shutting him off again. He thought that maybe he was able to convince Sherlock that it was all right to let go of that control, to which Sherlock was gripping on. But in the end, John guessed that he was wrong.

“John, there’s no time for this,” said Sherlock, sounding completely out of breath. “I need to spend my time on something much more productive than-”

“Jesus, Sherlock,” snapped John, who had it enough. He then pushed the taller male into his room and roughly pinned him against the wall. He needed to show Sherlock how much he needed to let go of that control, it wasn’t healthy for Sherlock. The detective’s body stiffened when he suddenly found himself trapped between John and the wall, his eyes quickly looking away. “It’s completely fine to feel things, Sherlock.”

Sherlock stayed quiet, not responding to John’s words. Even though they weren’t touching, Sherlock felt John’s warmth radiating against his body and he swallowed thickly before closing his eyes. Even so, his mind continued playing tricks on him. The fact that John was standing so close to him wasn’t helping him at all and despite having his eyes closed, he could still somehow see John in front of him. He knew that the doctor was leaning closer in, because he could feel John’s hot breath against his jaw and he parted his lips a little bit when John leaned his body against his own.

Sherlock’s usual pale skin was tinted with light pink colour and a small smile came upon John’s lips, there was no mistake; Sherlock wanted him as well. At that realisation, the shorter male pressed his body harder against Sherlock’s and then other male let out a small gasp. It amazed and shocked John at the same time, because he didn’t know that he could make Sherlock look like that. Sherlock’s heart was racing, he could feel it and he was still shivering. He smirked, he was right… Sherlock could feel things after all. He was maybe able to trick other people that he was just a machine without a heart, but John always knew that there was so much more when it came to Sherlock.

“You’re shaking,” whispered John and Sherlock slowly opened his eyes, somehow wishing that John would just give it up. It was obvious that John knew what was going on and he let out a hitched breath when he looked the other one on his eyes; the feeling was mutual… John wanted him as well, but that didn’t come as a surprise to Sherlock. He was aware of that since he had seen John for the first time, but he never had any intentions of taking an advantage of John’s feelings. No matter how deeply John cared for him, their relationship could never work out. “Sherlock, look at me.”

“John,” breathed out the detective and looked at his friend. “I need to-”

“I want you,” stated John, finally letting Sherlock know. “I have feelings… romantic feelings for you and-”

“I know.”

“You know?” asked John and made a few steps back. Well, of course Sherlock knew! “Of course you know.”

“Yes,” said Sherlock, his heart finally calming down and he then took in a deep breath. “Although I was quite surprised… I thought that you preferred women?”

“I did… I do,” said John and sighed. It was weird, he had never had any desires or feelings for another man before meeting Sherlock. “But after meeting you, that changed. After that, it’s always been just you. Yes, I had relationships with women since meeting you, but it was just physical for me. I never got emotionally involved with any of them.”

“Hmm,” said Sherlock and nodded.

“You feel the same way about me, don’t you?” asked John and looked at Sherlock.

“Yes,” said Sherlock, since he knew there was no point in lying.

“Since when?”

“Quite some time ago.”

“Jesus Sherlock,” whispered John, his heart speeding up again and a smile came upon his lips. “Did you have any intentions of telling me?”

“Not really. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.”

“Same,” confessed John and sighed, walking to Sherlock’s bed and he then sat down, looking at the other one. A small smile reappeared on John’s face when he saw Sherlock, the other one still looked completely out of it; he could tell that Sherlock didn’t like it when he didn’t have his emotions under control. On the other hand, it just seemed precious to John how hard Sherlock tried to hide his face. Sherlock’s lips curling up into a smile didn’t go unseen from John’s eyes and the detective noticed that. “There, I was right… you do have heart; you aren’t just a thinking, calculating machine.”

“Of course I do,” said Sherlock and pressed his lips together. “It’s a curse I have to carry. I don’t like it when I experience emotions, it makes me feel weak… it slows down my thinking.”

“It slows down your thinking?”

“Hmm,” Sherlock muttered and nodded. “Sometimes my mind is completely filled with you; I can’t focus on cases… It’s troublesome.”

“Oh Sherlock,” whispered and looked up to the other one, who slowly came closer to him and sat down next to him. John felt his heartbeat fastening and his smile widened; it was rare for Sherlock to be so open about things and he wished that the moment could last a bit longer. “So because I distract you… you put up the walls and bottle up your feelings?”

“That and,” said Sherlock, making a pause before speaking up again.  “I don’t want to get hurt again.”

“Again?”

“When I was younger I got romantically involved with another person, but things ended really bad for me. After that, I just somehow managed to put my emotions under control,” said Sherlock.

“Oh so you were in a relationship before,” said John and then nodded, understanding why Sherlock shut down his emotions completely.

“Just one,” said Sherlock. “After that I just somehow wasn’t interested,” he added and looked and John. There it was; the real reason why he didn’t want to fall in love again. It hit him hard the last time and he never wanted to experience that pain. Plus, he didn’t like feeling weak, so it seemed easier to just ignore emotions completely.

John nodded and then moved closer to the younger male, taking his hand into his own and then guided in closer to him. John entangled their fingers and looked at Sherlock, who gave him an odd look. A small chuckle escaped John’s lips and he then let out a sigh. He wondered; would Sherlock be willing to try and fall again… properly this time.

“I wouldn’t hurt you, you know,” muttered John. “At least, I’d try not to.”

“I know that, I’m more afraid of hurting you, John,” said Sherlock. “I know what kind of a relationship you want, but I can’t give you that. Even if I’d try not to hurt you, John… I can’t promise-”

“I don’t want you to promise me anything, I know you well enough to know that things wouldn’t always be perfect,” said John and have Sherlock’s hand a gentle squeeze. “But that isn’t something that would turn me away from wanting to be with you; if that is something that you want as well.”

After hearing that, all other concerns fled his mind and a genuine smile came upon Sherlock’s face. He then nodded, tired of hiding his emotions from John. “I would want that, yes.”

“Finally,” muttered John and scooted even closer to him.

Sherlock’s smile widened when he saw the other one coming closer to him and this time he didn’t back away. He just sat there and waited for John to come closer to him. The doctor chuckled when he saw that and he wished that he could somehow capture this moment and make it last forever. It was really odd to see Sherlock being all smiley, but it was a precious moment at the same time and John hoped that it wasn’t just a one-time thing; he wished that Sherlock could smile more around him, the smile suited the man.

When he came closer to Sherlock, the younger male placed his fingers under John’s chin and Sherlock observed how John’s eyes fluttered shut and the younger male closed his own eyes as well before leaning even more and placing his lips on top of John’s. John’s body tingled when their lips met for the first time and he sighed. The softness of Sherlock’s lips made the older one feel relaxed and he almost smiled. It was like Sherlock’s kisses were soothing. The kiss was completely different from before, this time it was gentle and slow. John’s heart fluttered with excitement and he was sure that he was going to melt at that right spot, he didn’t expect Sherlock to be so gentle with him. As the older male returned the kiss, he slid his arms down and gently gripped Sherlock’s shirt, pulling the man even closer to him.

John allowed himself to open his eyes for a split second as their lips were still connected and his heart started beating much faster; God, Sherlock looked so beautiful and before he could do anything, Sherlock kissed him again, applying a bit more pressure to their kiss. He captured John’s lower lip between his own lips and gently bit into it, making John let out a small gasp at that. John’s hands gripped Sherlock’s shirt tighter and his smile widened when he felt Sherlock’s racing heart. They exchanged a few more kisses, before pulling apart and John placed his head on top of Sherlock’s shoulder, the smile on his lips not showing any signs of disappearing.

“I love you, Sherlock,” whispered John and heard that the man chuckled. “Thank you for letting me in,” he then muttered and placed a few kisses onto the man’s neck before straightening himself up.

Sherlock didn’t say anything. Instead, he wrapped his arms around John’s neck and then laid down, guiding the other one down with him. As John found a comfortable spot, half laying on top of Sherlock, the detective wrapped his arms around John and when he looked up, he noticed a small smile on Sherlock’s lips. He took that as a sign that Sherlock was happy and that was enough for John, he didn’t need to hear anything else from him. He then placed his head on top of Sherlock’s chest and closed his eyes when Sherlock buried his slender fingers into his hair.

“I love you too, John,” whispered Sherlock after quite some time, but by then John was already asleep. Sherlock chuckled at that realisation and sighed… after a long time, he finally allowed himself to be happy again.

 

 

 


End file.
